You’re going to fetch whose head? Wait, what?

X-Men #2
Oct 2010

No, not that X-Men #2, and no, not that other X-Men #2. This is the third volume of adjectiveless X-Men – the first series from 1963 becoming Uncanny X-Men, the second series from 1991 becoming New X-Men, then adjectiveless X-Men again, then X-Men: Legacy. This third incarnation runs parallel to Uncanny and Legacy with its own vampiric story arc: Curse of the Mutants. Mister Jeffries appears as a regular member of the X-Men Science Team, having joined up in Uncanny X-Men #505.

While Wolverine, Colossus and Storm meet up with Blade on a vampire-capture run, Dr. Nemesis tries to figure out how to un-vampire Jubilee, who has been infected with a vampire virus. Later, the X-Men gather in a conference room where Mister Jeffries can be seen in two panels seated next to Dr. Nemesis.

There’s a bit of a continuity error because suddenly, Jeffries is shown seated in front of a laptop, unless he got up and walked around while Blade was blathering on and on about, guess what, well, he sort of has a one-track mind, but I’ll give you a hint: Vampires! To find out what they’re up against, Jeffries announces:

I’ve reconfigured Cerebro to detect vampire DNA.

Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy editing: that should be Cerebra, not Cerebro, and there really isn’t such thing as vampire DNA, as they are undead creatures of unearthly origin. Even the initial premise of a vampire virus makes no sense, and as Dr. Nemesis himself muses in this issue about the limits of science, it seems that the writer, Victor Gischler, is also struggling to set up a plausible mix of tech, magic and mutant powers to deliver this story line.

Once Jeffries turns on the video screen, an enormous number of vampires show up on a map of San Francisco, and Jeffries can be seen prominently on a two-page spread featuring Storm’s boobs.

I've reconfigured Cerebra to detect Storm's boobs

Cyclops then suggests the X-Men resurrect Dracula so as to enlist his aid against the new vampire leader. This plan consists of obtaining Dracula’s body and re-attaching it to his severed head, currently being held undersea by Atlantean vampires. A completely hysterical image of Jeffries’ incredulous reaction to this cunning plan is the absolute gem of this issue, reminding me of an equally incredulous look from another issue.

Note: there is a variant cover by Paco Medina, taken from one of the teaser “We are the X-Men” promo images released in April 2010 and a Second Printing variant featuring interior art.

X-Men #2 – Paco Medina variant
X-Men #2 – Second printing variant
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